Raw (a sad and disjointed poem for those of us who feel a little Bah Humbug)
I have many friends who are nursing some deep wounds right now and Christmas is not exactly going to be the happiest of times this year for not only them, but me too. I am debating whether to send out Christmas cards or not. It’s not that I don’t want to wish people to have a joyous season because I do, I just don’t know how to say, we are not going to be together anymore and it isn’t something you really announce during a holiday time.
But to those who feel a little un-Christmas-like right now…and are deeply wounded…from death, divorce, break-up, loss of anything of utmost importance..
So I ripped the band-aid off, but the wound was not nearly healed, it bled again and again. No matter what I did, the skin would not close. It would not heal itself, every movement just exacerbated the pain more like a deep searing knife. It was impossible to think about anything but this consuming pain. I go to bed with it and wake up with it each morning the same knowing it will be with me all day. I make plans and go on about my job, but the pain cycles again and consumes me. How does the pain stop? What finally stops this vicious cycle? What does it take to feel whole again? I don’t know…it’s just too far away. The answer I lies in a small spark of hope, I tried the lighter. It was broke. The flint is gone and the oil only smoked. In the corner, the ceiling is leaking and beyond repair, I keep trying to sop up the rain, but it just keeps on pouring in. My soul feels dark and full of sin, I try to repent, but just end up giving in.
Broken and scattered, somehow I pick up the pieces and I go on…someday a new light, a new phase, a new place, a new face must come about to shine upon. Where, where do I go from here? Which way is up? Which way is right? Do I go left or right? I’m not even sure if this is day or night? I need a guide and a flashlight? I’m scared God, hold onto me tight. Please Lord send an angel….and send a very good one so I can pick out who to follow….I know he hasn’t come today, but maybe tomorrow? Please, please God help those of us who feel all of this sorrow. I just don’t know if I can face tomorrow.
To me and to you…anyone feeling this very blue, you are not alone…I’m here too.
