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So, we are back home from Michigan..it was a great trip, I saw people, I literally hadn’t seen in twenty years and it was wonderful. Everyone has aged beautifully I might add. Some of them don’t look a day older!
As I was driving, the place I had the hardest time with was Madison. It made me think of someone so much and what exactly I had done wrong and if I could somehow repair the damage, but I think in all honesty, I just need to let time take care of that. It’s hard for me not to overstep the boundary (yet again) to try and make things right, but you can’t push someone to heal faster than they can. It’s just so damned hard because I feel so guilty about it. I keep trying to tell myself, it’s not my fault, and I can’t possibly know more than what is being told to me. I mean, I can read some minds, but not his, not yet, or maybe ever for that matter. I had so much time to think while I was driving at times it was hard for me to just not bawl my eyes out about everything that has happened in the past few months, but I couldn’t. I tried to focus on my tasks and the rain, I felt much like the weather, overcast.
Kendall made things extremely hard sometimes. It is scary how much like me he is in some ways. I hate loud noises, I am not a fan of thunderstorms really. I was very afraid of them at his age. So I understand the fear at least, but I hate to say this, he was bellowing in my ear Sunday night and I was just thinking, I need earplugs and severe restraint not to reach around and grab him and say, “Alright, I know you’re scared, I hear you! Now Shut up child, we are right here!” I kept thinking, if I yell at him, it’s only going to make it worse, so I just tried to use the calming voice and talk to him. By the time, we made it to our hotel in Illinois for the night he was hoarse from crying and screaming. David turned on an Elmo video and that seemed to help for the most part, kept his mind off the rain, which was scaring him more than the lightning which freaks me out and thank God I couldn’t hear the thunder! Both Kendall and I are night owls too! Keegan just sat back and watched the videos, when I would look at him he had this look like he was bored out of his little mind! He was just fine! For the most part he traveled great, hardly a peep out of that kid! We started talking as we were leaving Minnesota and I told David, I said, “You know, Keegan has never even been out of Rochester that I can think of!”
The trip was short-lived, and I am kind of glad. They saw everyone they needed to see, all grandparents and great-grandparents, even Grandma Doris from New York! Kendall doesn’t remember seeing them all when he was one I’m sure. Keegan will not remember either, but he so darned friendly! Loves everyone, well just about everyone. Kendall had such a good time! At first, he didn’t want to go to Michigan, then as we were getting ready to leave my Mom and Dad’s..”No, I don’t wanna go! I stay here.” Misses our Moms the most, loves both of his grandmas like crazy! David’s Mom being a mother of three takes that all in stride whereas, my Mom is a little more emotional about it being I am the only child. I am somewhere in the middle of them. I don’t want to get too emotional because I don’t want to upset everyone, but leaving both houses and seeing my kids say “goodbye” for what could be months is sometimes hard. It’s a natural part of life that family members move away to other places with careers and such, but it difficult even for the “adults”.
You know when I was about Kendall’s age, I just pined over my Mom being gone a lot. I felt a little like an annoyance in her life at that stage. She was divorced and involved with someone, and I would often be left with babysitters. I mean I do remember seeing her and spending time with her, which I loved, I often rode in the car with her an awful lot sometimes and late at night. I guess that is why I know so much music from that time period because we would listen to the radio. My Mom and I are alike in some ways. When she has something on her mind, often she would just get in the car and drive, sometimes for hours. I have done that also. No particular place to go..just around, I love to drive. Like Jay Leno says, “I was born the day I got my driver’s license,” I know exactly what he means. Not exactly a “green” way of thinking, but I love driving and listening to the radio.
When I graduated from Ferris, I did what was expected of me, I found a job, moved out of the house, yet again, and worked. Only, the job I had at the time I didn’t feel as though I could stay there thirty years, I felt the need to go somewhere else. Mayo actually called our office one day, very strange, and asked if anyone there was interested in going out there for an interview. At the time, everyone’s answer was “nah”, but even when I was in school, I wanted to go and check it out. I had heard of it, I had heard great things about them at the time. A distant classmate went on an internship and loved it! It wasn’t until I got the phone call at home that it struck me..”You really want me hunh? I’m a little ‘green’ yet.” It was funny, I was in the driveway at my parents’ house and the phone had just rang. “Stace, it’s someone from the Mayo Clinic? They want to talk to you about a job. Do you want to talk to them?” It took some convincing. I think she knew she had me because she called me everyday for a while until I would schedule an interview. So I did it. I remember being in the hospital and having to reschedule for a bad reaction to Imuran, they tried it for my CUC but it didn’t work, it gave me pancreatitis, lovely! I lied about where I was going at work. Oh well, if the plane goes down, nothing really to explain right? I said I had to take my mother to Detroit for some tests. I was actually flying to Rochester…it was Friday, February 19, 1999. Does anyone else remember what they were doing that day? I sat next to a lawyer on the plane and shared a taxi with her into downtown Rochester from the airport. She was deposing a physician that day at the clinic. I started at the Clinic on April 19th. On the plane ride back into Lansing, I kept thinking, what the heck should I do? Should I stay in Lansing or go to Rochester? The answer came to me in a wedding date actually, I took a couple of weeks cried about it, listened to the same Beatles’ song over and over in my apartment. That’s when I decided to leave. Odd sequence of events, but that’s when I decided to leave without looking back. Of course, I did a few times, did I make the right decision? Would I regret it? Nope…a little colder here, but no, I don’t regret that decision in the least. Will I stay here forever? Hard to say. I could fly again. Home? Not sure. I love Michigan, but I am just not sure. You know, that Fall, in 1998, I got a call from a place in Green Bay, Wisconsin too. Hmmm, I had NEVER thought of moving there, but I could be a Packer fan..I could. I do love Wisconsin. Never would’ve thought of moving there but I’ve driven across the state a few times and really do like Wisconsin. Beautiful place. Even passed Ripon one time Ian! If you’re reading, can’t remember where the heck it is at the moment, but I think I was on my way to Manitowoc, to catch the ferry. You know, I ride roller coasters, and I will do almost anything once, but that stupid thing made me sicker than I don’t know WHAT! “Thank you, and here are your Sea Bands (which actually work, to my amazement!) the saltine crackers are on that table over there.” Not too many moving things can make me sick, but a boat moving like 12 miles an hour across Lake Michigan WILL do it! The trip takes about 4 hours. I had to go sit in the restroom for a while until the nausea passed, then I mostly sat out on the deck, not much to see, you can’t see across Lake Michigan, unless you are on a plane. That is very neat especially at night! You can tell because there are no lights for a long break. When I was single I flew back and forth most of the time, now that I am married, it is just not cost effective to fly as many people that short a distance, especially if two of them can drive.
Well, even on ‘night owl’ time it’s getting a little late…Good morning!
